Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
