If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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