Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You made out with two different species that night
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
