You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
