you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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