I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
