it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
