I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
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Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
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I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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