I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize