He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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