You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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