i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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