are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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