Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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