you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
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