Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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