so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
