I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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