my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
