nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
