Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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