I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It was confusing and full of hummus
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
