Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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