Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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