my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
