kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
