Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
