I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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