Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
