i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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