I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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