Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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