mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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