if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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