Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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