my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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