508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
