I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
