I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
