My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
