Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize