After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
