It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
