I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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