AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
