My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
