Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
