do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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