There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
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I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
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Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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