My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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