i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I have already put on my inside pants.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
