i already hear my dad disowning me
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
