Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
