oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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