She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
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you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
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I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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