So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
