Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
