Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
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