if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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