he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
