i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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