He uses pillows to masturbate.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Is Oprah even human
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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