in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
