they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I believe in your delicious
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
