Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
