I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
