i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
