she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize