Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
