We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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