There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
