dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
