Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
