I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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