walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
