I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
