I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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