Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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