Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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